How many times have you said, “I am who I am,” or “I was born this way, I can’t change it”?
It’s easy to feel like our identity is fixed, shaped by our upbringing, beliefs, and the roles we play.
But what if I told you your identity isn’t as set in stone as you think?
The trap of “I am who I am”
Most of us walk around feeling like our identity is fully formed by our past - our family, culture, and society. Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I’m just not good at handling conflict” or “I’ll never be confident.”
But here’s the thing… they’re labels we apply to ourselves, but they aren’t facts. They’re simply the stories we tell ourselves.
Think about it… have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I, really?” Not in terms of your job, family role, or even the expectations placed on you, but who you are at your core?
It's one of the hardest questions to answer because so much of what we believe about ourselves was handed to us.
Identity isn’t fixed - it’s fluid
As always, there’s good news! Your identity can evolve. Just because you’ve lived with certain labels doesn’t mean you have to keep them. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago, and I bet you’re not either. But many of us get stuck in old patterns, forgetting that we can choose who we want to be.
It might feel a bit scary to change things about yourself. After all, what will people think? But it is allowed, and quite frankly, it’s no one else’s business.
Our core self often gets buried under layers of ‘shoulds’. You ‘should’ be a responsible worker, a perfect parent, a dedicated friend.
But when was the last time you checked in with yourself? Do you feel fulfilled? Or maybe, just maybe, a little lost?
How to reconnect with your true self
The first step to rediscovering who you really are is tuning into your emotions. Emotions are like your personal GPS; they guide you toward what’s working and what isn’t.
Yet, most of us have been trained to ignore our emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones. But ignoring them doesn’t make them go away, it just disconnects us further from who we truly are.
Naming and reframing your emotions
Once you’ve slowed down and tuned in, the next step is to name what you’re feeling.
Feeling anxious? Angry? Sad? Call it out. When you name your emotion, it starts to lose its power over you. It’s like turning on the light in a dark room. What seemed intimidating becomes less overwhelming.
And here’s where reframing comes in. Let’s say fear is keeping you from going after a new opportunity. Instead of focusing on what might go wrong, ask yourself, “What’s the best that could happen?” This shift in perspective moves fear from being a roadblock to a stepping stone. You go from, “I’m not sure I can do this” to “What if this actually works out?”
Visualising the person you want to be
Here’s a little secret… people who achieve success didn’t just stumble into it. They visualised it first.
Michelle Obama didn’t wait until she became First Lady to start seeing herself as a leader. She embraced that identity long before she had the title. And you can do the same.
Picture yourself as the person you want to become not just the end goal, but the journey there. How would you feel? What actions would you take? This kind of visualisation rewires your brain to start acting in alignment with that future version of yourself.
You have the power to reshape your identity
The bottom line? You’re not stuck with the identity you’ve been handed or created. You can evolve. You can rewrite the script. By tuning into your emotions, naming and reframing them, and visualising your true self, you’ll start living from the inside out not based on what others expect, but on who you truly are.
So, if you’re feeling a little lost or disconnected, now’s the time to pause, check in with your emotions, and start visualising the life you want to lead.
And remember, it’s not about perfection… it’s about progress.
Ready to dive deeper into discovering your true self?
Check out Episode 13 of The Brain Changers Podcast where we talk about changing beliefs that hold you back and start living in alignment with who you really are.
I love the reframing, people who are optimistic have much better energy than pessimists